Awake

An unspecified number of potentially unrelated statements about myself (in no particular order)

1. I think this meme of writing 25 random things about yourself and then "tagging" 25 people to do the same is a fascinating (and even positive) societal and interpersonal evolution from the cesspool that began as chain letters. It's almost redemptive in its evolution. Interesting.

b. I categorize blog posts about myself as "Off Topic." What does that say about how I view myself? Hmmm.

III. I am licensed in the beautiful yet economically unstable state of Oregon to practice therapeutic massage. This means that I can render you unconscious in 10 to 40 minutes and leave you with a strange-looking crease across your forehead that I will tell you to wear as a badge of honor.

Four. I live in my office. It's a commuting thing. I prefer not to commute so I live in the office. It's actually rather cozy. I also prefer not to pay rent in two places. So it's an economic thing, too.

E. I sleep on a giant inflatable bed that I deflate every morning and put in the closet so that I can actually have a floor. (I find floors to be highly convenient commodities during the day, especially.) This is Giant Inflatable Bed, II: Revenge of the Ridges. The first one I had worked for a few weeks and then I made the apparent mistake of using the Whoosh^TM valve. After I did that, I discovered, much to the chagrin of my back, a slow leak with no apparent origin. The bed was replaced and I have been using Giant II ever since. Two days ago, one of the seams in the poofy ridges of the mattress decided to go on strike and now I have a permanent bolster at the head of my bed. Since I don't really need a permanent bolster at the head of my bed, I have now reversed my sleeping position and sleep diagonally. I have woken up with a headache due to neck stiffness the past two mornings. Hmmmm.

vi. I'm a web developer. I mostly work with, develop, or customize PHP/MySQL programs. This means that instead of creating a new web page with different yet related content from scratch every time, I create or use a template, a database, an interface to enter data into that database, and pages that look and work pretty much the same as the pages around it but with unique primary content from the database.

7. I live in Ashland, Oregon. It's very pretty here. I like getting coffee at the Roasting Co. I like taking walks from my hobbit hole downtown and into Lithia Park or down East Main toward the South End of town. Recently, I have begun to wonder how much longer I will remain here.

64/8. I don't have any pets. I do have some carpenter ants which I have considered naming. I had tropical fish once but I wasn't very good at providing a life-sustaining environment for them, evidently. I have considered getting a plant. Maybe next paycheck.

nine. I am Auntie Amber. I have three nieces (at present) who are the light of my life and three of the most delightful human beings I have ever had the privilege of knowing.

X. I love fonts and type and like to experiment with handwriting and calligraphy. One day I'd like to devote much more time to practicing calligraphy and developing my own fonts.

11. I play piano and the violin, not as well or as much as I'd like.

twelve. I love geography. I like having atlases and maps around. In my apartment in Cedar Hills, I had maps plastered from floor to ceiling on the wall in the entry-way and leading up the stairs.

13- I prefer pastels when drawing. Oil or chalk. Whatever I have on-hand.

xiv. I likes to takes ze pictures. I am looking forward to upgrading my little Konica digital point-and-shoot that I got in anticipation of Adalie's birth (my first niece), over six-and-a-half years ago.

14) The joy and comfort of my interior décor are my purple couch and purple chair. Sigh. I love them.

The Last. I am a self-aware procrastinator. What this means to you is: this post is over. Time to get on with this day.

Happy Wednesday.

(This post is actually located on my blog, Awake. Link.)

The Rain Finally Came

The rain finally came last night. I took myself out to Bloomsbury Books along the main drag downtown last night for a Browse and a little Wander and a bit of Peruse. Found a couple of books that I want to read but after a turn or two around the store with them in my hand, put them back on the shelves with gentle reassurances that I would be back for them soon. (Spent book money on music. It's a fair trade.) Walked out of the store and turned toward the Plaza when it began to rain. Not dressed for it and not wanting to get caught in a downpour, I turned around and scurried back to my little hole.

It feels a little more like home now that it's raining. I feel a little safer, a little more comfortable, a little more at ease. I breathe deeply now. All the shallow restricted breathing of the last few weeks slowly dissolves into a deep breath of drenched ground and tree.

Sometimes there is nothing so welcome as a gray rainy Saturday. You will think me crazy, perhaps. But, today, it brings me back to earth. Today, it says, stay. Wait. Take care of your business. Do not let your mind wander elsewhere. Just stay. Be present. Don't be idle.

This morning I rested and now it's time to catch up. To work. To do what I said I would do. Today the promised rain has come and it reminds me that now is the time to fulfill my promises, too.

Happy rainy day.

mmm...helvetica

State of the Amber, Winter Edition

Health: Not sick but "well" might be pushing it.
Fitness: Walking and weights three times a week (working up to running).
Nails: Bare, short, and a bit ragged.
Hair: Overgrown mess (haircut scheduled for tomorrow).
Relationship Status: No comment.
Desk: Dusty and cluttered. (Dusting and cleaning also scheduled for tomorrow. Yay weekend.)
Floor: Needs some attention. Stat.
Kitchen sink: Shiny. At least I have that down.
Reading: Into the Wild.
Watching: The Dog Whisperer (totally addicted).
Listening to: Vox Veniae podcasts, Yann Tiersen, Strength in Numbers, Pepe Romero, Dvořák, Arvo Pärt, Smetana, Julia Fisher playing Bach, Vivaldi, Joshua Bell.
Crocheting: A scarf that I started in the Fall but never finished.
Car: Due for a tune-up. Paycheck, anyone?
Current location: Ashland.
Business: It's complicated.
Cell phone minutes: 220. Yeah. It's quiet here.
Happiness: Happier than yesterday. Hopefully the trend will continue.

New Music

Finally broke down and bought some new music last night. For some reason, I've had "The Moldau" in my head for the better part of week. It's one of my favorite songs but I've never owned a recording of it. This song is actually associated with one of my earliest memories of classical music. When I was at Rock Creek Elementary, one time in music class, our music teacher had us sit at our desks with a blank piece of drawing paper and some drawing utensils (can't remember what exactly) and he instructed us to listen to this piece called "The Moldau" and draw what we heard. I don't remember exactly what I drew, but I remember the feeling—that amazing feeling—of drawing the music. It was this wonderful yet simple amalgamation of creative expression. It felt like freedom to me.

My nieces love music. So I found an album with a recording of "The Moldau" along with a bunch (well 30, in fact) of other known and not-so-well-known classical pieces. The tone of the album makes it perfect for quiet reading time in the afternoon and it'll be great exposure for them to some of the great music of history. Not to mention excellent dancing material. So the first album I bought was 30 Toddler Classical Songs, Vol. I.

The recording of "The Moldau" on 30 Toddler Classical Songs (Vol. I) wasn't as nuanced as I prefer, so I picked up an album of Smetana and Dvořák, too. It has all the pieces of "Ma Vlast", including, of course, "Vlatava" (aka "The Moldau") and, as it turns out, the very enjoyable Dvořák symphony piece that I heard the Oregon Symphony play after the intermission on Monday night. So the second album I bought was Smetana: Má vlast; Dvorak: Symphony No.4. The album is quickly becoming a favorite.

My brother, Brant, has a friend from SPU, Lacey, who is a musician and fellow percussionist (she also plays a mean timp). She is, I'm proud to say, my facebook friend. One day, she indicated that she was a fan of Arvo Pärt. Knowing Lacey to be a talented musician and as such privvy to musical knowledge I can only dream of, I added an Arvo Pärt "station" to my Pandora Radio (click here to listen). I found myself repeatedly giving the "thumbs up" to his "Fratres" pieces and have been meaning to pick up an album featuring them for quite some time now. So the third album I bought was Arvo Pärt: Fratres. I am quite convinced that James Horner was inspired by these pieces when he wrote the soundtrack for the movie "Sneakers". Perfect parts eerie tension and beauty.

Finally, I have repeatedly mentioned that I attended the Oregon Symphony's performance on Monday night featuring Edgar Meyer. I had heard him but not known it and so for me, he was a new discovery. I enjoy bluegrass and am leaning strongly toward learning that style on my violin. I think it would be fun to learn how to improvise and play from a chart, instead of just from musical notes on a page. So once again I have Pandora to thank for helping me to discover a new album. I bought Telluride Sessions not only because Edgar Meyer plays, but because it is an amazing collaborative work of Sam Bush, Jerry Douglas, Béla Fleck, Mark O'Connor, and Edgar Meyer. (More about the album in this wikipedia article, "Telluride Sessions".)

So now I have some new music. Sigh. I feel better now.

Mid-week weekend wrapup

Spent last weekend up north in Lacey and Portland/Beaverton. We celebrated Jackie's birthday at Seth and April's home in Lacey with a photo scavenger hunt that April very creatively organized. Some of us wore (at her request) our fishing vests to go with the "adventure" theme and she made little backpacks (filled with snacks and water), paper binoculars (for finding the clues, of course), and a paper compass too (very handy, it was). Everyone was assigned roles (I was "Tracker Chic") and we split into teams. (Even Grandpa Doug tagged along in the car and got out for for photos, too.) Jackie got to open one of her gifts before the hunt. What was it? The long-awaited fishing vest, of course! (And from Cabela's, no less!) Jackie chided that *now* she really feels like an accepted member of the Himes' clan. (I'm a little jealous! My vest's pockets have holes in them from overuse...looks like I'm just gonna *have* to go to Cabela's myself and get a new one! Darn it! ;-)

I drove up in my car, separately from Mom, Dad, and Grandpa so that I could stay an extra night with the Fun Squad. I finished crocheting a duckling for Kylia and I took Adalie to the Wal-Mart to pick out some pink yarn for her bunny, which I started on Saturday night and finished on Sunday evening. Seth and I played a lot of Indiana Jones on the Wii, which was a ton of fun. (Can't remember the last time I lounged around playing a non-Mario-Kart game with my brother. Man, I really would love to own a Wii. Someday, perhaps. New camera first.

Drove back to the Homeplace (mom'n'dad's) Sunday evening (late) and spent the next morning with Grandpa and my Dad at the construction site at Village. (Pictures over here.) They tilted-up nearly all of the walls for the new worship center that day. It was quite a sight to see:

On Monday evening, I went to the Schitzer downtown (Portland) to see the Oregon Symphony and Edgar Meyer perform. It was a great concert. I enjoyed every minute of it and discovered new music as well. I had just decided last week that I wanted to go and when I bought my ticket online, asked for the cheapest seat. Well, being single and a last-minute concert-goer does have it's advantages, because as it happens there was a single seat in the 5th row on the Orchestra level! I was in such disbelief, that I actually walked all the way up to the Upper Balcony. But the usher said, no, you're down there. "Down there?" I replied. So even though I love the acoustics in the upper balcony at the Schitz, it was great to be so close to the soloist! What a treat. I hadn't been to the Symphony in years. It was so refreshing and exciting to be downtown going to the Symphony again. Went up to the stage at intermission and said hello to my former junior high and high school orchestra conductor (she plays in the first violin section). It was a lovely night and made me miss being in the big city. (Even though it's just a city that thinks it's big.)

Maybe it's time for a change. A new adventure, perhaps?

A Day of Concrete Tilt-Up

Spent Monday morning on-site at Village watching the walls go up. It was a beautiful sunny day, albeit cool and crisp. Picked up Grandpa Doug at 9:30 am and found a nice vantage point in the front parking lot. We staying until noon watching the crane and the men work on tilting up and putting into place the towering concrete sections of the new sanctuary walls. I took a bunch of pictures on my cell phone. You can find them over here, along with the other photos I've taken of the site over the past month or so.

I really really really want to go to this...

Oh MAN. I was just visiting Dallas Willard's website because a friend from Biola "became a fan" of his on Facebook and I also "became a fan" because, well, I AM a fan (and currently reading The Divine Conspiracy with plans (that I formulated only last night) to re-read The Spirit of the Disciplines) and so I was perusing his website and upcoming speaking events, WHEN LO AND BEHOLD, a Journey conference is schedule for this summer! Holy crap! Ok, that may not be the appropriate response to a conference on spiritual formation, discipleship, and the spiritual disciplines, but whatever, HOLY CRAP! One of my fondest memories of Biola was the Journey conference that took place there when I was a student. I still have the hemp-tied booklet that was given out to all attendees. Coincidentally or not, I have, very recently, started reading and re-reading Nouwen, Willard, Petersen, with plans to break out Foster. To have the very words I read be expounded upon by the authors themselves and to discuss these things and take (and give) encouragement from others in the Church sounds like something to good to pass up, yeah?! Where do I sign up?! (Oh, here, by the way.)

The only teensy tiny little hiccup in this great and amazing plan of mine to attend this conference is the date and the location. The date may be too near when a certain someone is expected to arrive and it's in, well, San Antonio, which is kinda far away (though not as far as it seemed to be, before I actually visited).

So I'm gonna pray about it and hopefully receive some clarity on the matter before the Early Bird Registration Deadline of February 1st. :)

Link: 2009 RENOVARÉ International Conference THE JESUS WAY Registration

Harry & David cuts over 100 positions

In today's Mail Tribune, news of the Rogue Valley's largest employer laying off 10% of its staff. The economy in Oregon has always been pitiful (Portland, but especially "non-Portland" places). My business, though based in Ashland, is overwhelmingly paid for by Portland clients. Not exactly an ideal place to move to at the moment (despite it's beauty and lovely people). Maybe a good place to move away from...though not presently *deep deep sigh*. Presently...presently, I'm content to stay right where I am and move forward in other ways...other non-geographical ways.

Classical Bass Concert This Weekend

Decided to indulge in an unusual little treat this weekend: a classical bass concert featuring Edgar Meyer and the Oregon Symphony.

America's best-known master of the double bass, the charismatic Edgar Meyer, joins the orchestra in a pair of concertos never before performed by the Oregon Symphony: one by the great 19th-century master of the instrument—and one of his very own. About the concert

I've never been to a concert featuring a double bass. I expect it will be equal parts unique and enchanting. More about the program (the music, composers, etc.) may be found on the Oregon Symphony website.

haiku.

even tears that streak
down high zygomatics
will dry in good time

One.

One
I needn't have come
I shouldn't have bothered
I might have stayed at home
And stayed

One
But I came
And I bothered
And I might have left home
To become

One
But instead
Alternatively
What might have been
And become

One
Didn't
And
Became
Two exes instead

One
Wonders
Why
Ever then
Should

One
Who
Only ever
Wanted
To become

One
Should ever
Really
Want
To be

One
Who
Had
And
Lost

One
Every
Time
Again
And again

One
Time
It
Only
Takes

One
Time
For
Ex
To become

One
And
No longer
Be
Just

One
And no longer
Be afraid of
Becoming
Two exes

One
Day
But for now
My time
Is just as

One
Just
Becoming
Me
As

One
Not
Afraid
Of becoming
Two exes

One.
Only
Me.
I.
Just

One.

Weekly update on construction at Village posted

Week 17 Winner
Originally uploaded by villageonflickr

This week's news update and prayer reminder regarding the construction of Village's new worship center has been posted on radicalconnections.org. Don't forget to peruse the the latest photos of the site on VBC's flickr space.

Links:

• Weekly Prayer Reminder: 1-20-2009
• Village on Flickr

Morning reading

Today's random assortment of morning reading includes: Tiltshift Photography, First Principles on Working on Stuff That Matters, A Briefing of the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict, and The New Airport Terminal in Medford.

Via Drawn!, links to the fun world of Tiltshift Photography—or how to use Photoshop to make a regular photo look like a miniature scene. {Link}

Tim O'Reilly outlines his insights into working on stuff that matters with his thoughts on working on something that matters more to you than money and creating more value than you capture. {Link}

On Reuter's AlertNet, I went looking for a briefing on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and found one. AlertNet exists to "alert humanitarians to emergencies" and is an excellent source of news and information on the crises and conflicts happening in the world today. {Link}

Finally, in local news, Medford's new airport terminal opened yesterday. Now the Rogue Valley International-Medford Airport, it features an observation deck, actual gates (you have to know your gate number now!), and in February, a restaurant and pub designed to serve both the lobby and the secure waiting area. I'll have to find an excuse (and some $$) to fly out of here next month, it would seem. ;-) {Link}

Happy morning reading.

Again. This time, with *feeling*.

Here I am again at the Crossroads. I cringe at my own capitalization of it. I feel rather like mocking it instead of acknowledging its presence. I prefer to come to the Crossroads gently, gradually, thoughtfully. Like a ship in the harbor moving toward it's temporary parking space in the river of life. (Gag. I know. Apologies.) Instead I find myself dumped there from a speeding vehicle, choking on the dust and gagging from the exhaust. I was in my favorite outfit, too. The whole situation has me quite annoyed. Severely annoyed.

But like it or not, here I am. Through the dust and choking and the gagging and the mocking, I have to ask myself a fundamental question: what is important to me? What isn't as important is it should be? What am supposed to do now? Ok, that's three questions. I thought I had already figured that out. I thought that's what my 20s were for. But apparently, when stripped of everything, there remains a certain dissatisfaction, a certain gnawing feeling, a distinct memory of my original destination. Have I really been on sideways and backways this whole time? Crap. I got lost and I didn't even know it. (But it's so pretty here! Scenic routes are fun, too! Yes, they are, little girl. But you're done. Deal with it.)

So what is important to me? What isn't as important as it should be? What am I supposed to do now? The answers seem to change every five minutes. I am so dizzy from emotion that I can hardly see straight. I long for a retreat but I also dread it. I need guidance and time to heal, but where? And from whom? I know there is only One who can answer my questions to my satisfaction. For now, I am staying put. No sense in making a rash emotional decision. But for all the confusion, something seems to be clear. I may be headed in the very same direction I had been barred from but for a completely and totally separate reason. A reason having everything to do with these questions that now haunt my thoughts. A reason holding one answer to all my questions.

Dare I hope?

(Ok, so I wasn't cheerful like I promised I would be. But I wasn't completely sardonic either, so cut me some slack. And I was definitely vague. Sorry about that, but vague is my reality right now. I am swimming in a reality of confusion and utter absurdity. Believe me when I tell you, I am looking for a way out.)

Happy Sunday?

Easy, now.

I'm just gonna ease back into to this, here. Nothing fancy. No funny business. And definitely nothing serious. Just nice and easy. I figure I better write something soon before my head explodes. (The mess would be atrocious and there's already enough mess around here to keep me occupied for some time.)

Needed a little time alone with the bookstore yesterday afternoon. Wandered the fiction aisles for a while looking for something that might rekindle even the tiniest measure of inspiration. Considered The Looking Glass Wars for a few minutes. Thought about picking up Inkheart. Marveled (and shuddered) at the books intended for young girls. (Would I be inspired to conjure up fantasies laced with visions of hope as an alternative if I had my own read-a-holic daughter? I think it likely.)

Wandered into Fiction & Literature. Just picked up three classics a couple weeks ago which I can't quite bring myself to read yet for ridiculously sentimental reasons, so I thought better of adding A Tale of Two Cities or War and Peace to my collection. Decided what I really wanted was a page-turning mystery, but a step removed from popular serials. So I bypassed Grisham and Grafton and found Michael Gruber's The Book of Air and Shadows. Hmm. Rare manuscripts and cryptography. Ancient and modern cryptography. Well, then. I hardly had a choice in the matter, did I?

In the check-out line (which consisted of me and my book of air and shadows), I glanced over at the CD display. Joshua Bell has a new album? Well, that required little consideration at all. I snatched it without more than a moment's thought.

Haven't bought an actual compact disc in a while. (You know, with the wrappings and the what-not.) This time, the "what-not" included calendar poster. Whoa. A nice idea, I suppose, and if I was in college I would definitely put it up in my dorm room. But I'm not. So into the recycle bin it went. Is that cold? I hardly care. I'm trying to de-clutter. It's not like I let my new shredder cut its teeth on it. (And Shredder would have thought it so delicious.) Oh yeah, the music. Listening to it now. It's the Four Seasons, which is actually one of my favorite pieces. Seems popular and cliché? If it is, it deserves it. It's a beautiful suite of music and difficult to master. Some groups really miss the passion and energy of it and just churn it out. But I have found (now) two excellent recordings of it (although I'm sure there are many excellent renditions out there). My absolute favorite is Anne-Sophie Mütter's. The passion and energy behind that recording is palpable. Bell's recording has a different flavor altogether and it's hard not to compare it to Mütter's—of which I am very familiar. But I am enjoying it and had been wanting something new from him for a while now.

Interestingly enough (and I suppose not surprisingly), Joshua Bell is on tour again. The last time I saw him play was in Portland at the Schnitzer. Having just recently seen The Nutcraker at Seattle's Benaroya, I wonder where I'd most like to see him play this time around. San Antonio seems like it should have been a nice idea. But I am to be content with Portland or Seattle. I think I'll wait a bit before deciding. Not that I don't wish every concert of his to be sold out and should probably take action now to secure a ticket, but I am in no present mood to make any plans further off than five or maybe ten minutes from now. Anyway, who am I kidding? A single seat has never been that difficult to procure.

It's sunny out. Probably a good time to get to work on de-stuffing the storage units. My goal is to get back to just one space (instead of two). But what to do with all those bookcases?...I haven't a clue. I should sell everything I can. Is it really worth it to keep all this stuff around? My doubt increases daily.

Like I said, I'm easing back into this. I promise to be more cheerful next time. Really. I do.

Happy Friday.