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shawn time 18.42.38..03.24.05
Three Rivers Tutoring Company
do i need a vacation? or do I need to stop tutoring?
it is spring break right now, no teaching, no tutoring. it is nice.
i am so fickle with jobs. i can't stay doing the same thing for very long. tutoring has been the thing i have done the longest. it is grinding on me. I am not missing it a bit during this break. i wonder if i would miss it if i did not do it for, um, ever.
i so much enjoy the opportunity to do whatever comes up. for the potential of each and every day. people to talk to. lunches to enjoy with friends. places to sit and enjoy the world.
this week i have often thought....where would i be right now during a normal week??? most often the answer was...in a tutoring appointment.
i know i am whining. we all work. i think we all do. and as far as jobs go, i have a pretty good one. and the pay aint so bad either. BUT...i dunno. maybe i just need to suck it up.
maybe it is a turning 30 thing. a mid-midlife crisis. wondering if i am spending this time that i have in the best way possible.
whenever i do not have tutoring, it seems as if i so much enjoy the opportunity to be creative. I am not that productive on the creative side of things, but i at least have the time and energy to think about it more. thats what this blog is really, just an outlet of a bit of creativity.
i will get to summer and rethink this all. summer is a good time to change things. I thought that last summer though, and what changed?
well, i did take one more day off a week (2 total). the previous years i tutored 6 days a week. i started working at PNCA, which i do want to do next year. I guess those things changed. thats good. i moved apartments. i changed churches. i guess a lot changed. so what is going to change this summer?
deep down i think i want to do something new, something different. something not tutoring. or at least not where i am tutoring 25 appointments a week. and thats the weird thing, its my business, i started it, cant i control it and end it? it is a weird thing when you feel as if you are bound and a slave to something that you created.
hmm...things to ponder.
Comments
sheena wrote this at 12.12.14..03.25.05
my friend, dann (who btw is a mathematician and a bassist. strange, eh?) says they tell you it's great to be your own boss, but they don't tell you that you have to be your own employee.
maybe you should chuck it all and do the 24-7 internship in reading. it's only about $6k for 9 months. i'm going next year.
amber wrote this at 13.34.18..03.25.05
i hear what you're saying about your jobs. what are your thoughts on your vocation? i picture you building community, raising disciples, teaching young people to pray, playing music and always seeking ways to draw closer to Jesus. what do you picture yourself doing?
Pat wrote this at 19.02.26..03.25.05
living to your means, I still think about that conversation we had at the DHOP sometimes, I only made $7.50/hr at Quiznos, now I don't have a job, I don't really know what to do myself right now either, such a place we're in eh? Times are changing and hearts too. Desires are fresh and brand new, directional changes are on the road ahead, not for our destruction but to prosper instead, reasoning about where we should go, who knows who knows where it comes or where it blows, following the cloud, durring the day, fire by night is where I'll stay. eh?
don't be afraid to risk my friend, you can't make a mistake, when you dive into the Lord of life, He'll surly show the way, He is the way the truth the life, a tutor beyond end, showing us and guiding us TODAY He is our friend, not was or is He going to be, but now He's surley set, His love is for our wellbeing, this we'll not forget, for it's our life our dream our stream, a wonder that He's set, a place beyond imagination our feet will surly step, on into an endless son-SET a sonrise will come, from in our innerplace He'll rise and lead is to our home
okay, enough rymes for now :D
Heath DeWallace wrote this at 11.19.27..03.26.05
Shawn,
I had to throw my 2 cents-less thoughts in, having turned 33 last month.
I may not be rich or have my art commanding large sums of money, or get to wake up in the morning and surf the first waves of the day like I use to. I do love having those memories, and the experience that what ever I do or what ever happens I can handle it! thats being 30 to me, done looking at ME and start looking around at the world. ( I don't know if you get what I'm saying) one thing an art teacher said to me one time was each year make a self-portrait, paint it, make it out of garbage, or take a picture, what ever works for you. I think the point she was trying to make was, have this self-portrait be the only time in the year to be introspective.
I work with a 16 yr old kid that works with us part-time at the sign shop. He calls me old man which is OK, he thinks he's got it all figured out. It nice to share ideas with him, and I have to watch him when he uses the power tools, when I teach him how to use a tool I am amazed how hes right there listening to what I have to say, and because of that I will deal with being called old man. Age is nothing, take it all in and enjoy the memories! remember when you were young and laugh. I think life would be boring if I was where I wanted to be!
bob wrote this at 21.20.05..03.26.05
hey shawn... for what it's worth... you said:
"whenever i do not have tutoring, it seems as if i so much enjoy the opportunity to be creative. I am not that productive on the creative side of things, but i at least have the time and energy to think about it more. thats what this blog is really, just an outlet of a bit of creativity.
i will get to summer and rethink this all. summer is a good time to change things. I thought that last summer though, and what changed?"
i find that I lust for the unstructed time, the unbusy time- I think of all I'll do "when"... and then, when it comes... not so much. And if it goes on for too long, I begin to hate it. What makes a vacation a vacation is a job... without that, you're just unemployed.
make room for the creative time- but also make sure you enjoy it to its fullest by staying busy with the things of life. Make that good money, invest in others, serve God... and don't EVER change churches again.
:)
